Sometimes I picture myself staring in a Ryan Reynolds romantic comedy with that perfect song coming on at that perfect moment to convey what I’m feeling into lyrical words with a catchy tune.  Except Ryan is actually Joel…and I’m super cute, funny, skinny and witty, like Isla Fisher or Sandra Bullock.

I know it makes me super cheese-ball cheesy, like, mixed tape kind of nerdy to have soundtracks playing in my head, but sometimes songs really stick with me.  So much so that they can tell the story of what’s going on in that moment that I flash back to each time I hear that song.

Kind of like scent association and how it works in your memory bank.  I’ll always associate the smell of a pack of fresh Pampers diapers with the boys as babies.  A fresh pot of steamed rice with the warmth of home and my mom & fresh mowed lawns, motor oil and pork chops and fried rice with Dad.  Crew Forming Cream and Fresh scent Old Spice with Joel…I could go on and on here.

So I’ve been in Vegas these last few days working my tail off at a convention and, of course, missing my family.  As I was working up the energy to go to the final reception, thinking about how much I wished Joel was with me, this song by The Lumineers came on and my heart skipped a beat.

Why?

Because a few months ago, Joel sent me an email with this link to the video saying, “Babe, this song makes me think of you.  I’m not sure all the lyrics, because I’m not good at that kind of stuff, but I like it.”  I had never heard it and thought he was kidding because I didn’t get the title, “Ho Hey”, but give it a listen and it will come together for ya like it did for me.

So show me family

all the blood that I will bleed

I dunno where I belong

I dunno where I went wrong,

But I can write a song

I belong with you, you belong with me

You’re my sweetheart

I belong with you, you belong with me

You’re my sweet

I heard this song probably 4 or 5 times this weekend after not hearing it for a few weeks.  The universe is telling me something…

And this one by Sanctus Real.

Roles reversed, I sent this one to Joel in a link saying it made me think of us.

I was driving into the city to meet a girlfriend for brunch, feeling guilty about leaving the boys behind.  It was a day Aiden really wanted to play and Drew was beyond cute and cuddly, but I’d had a tough week at work & really needed some girl time.  As I was driving up the hill to the pub, this song came on and I started to cry.

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes

They’re just children from the outside

I’m working hard, I tell myself they’ll be fine

They’re independent

But on the inside, I can hear them saying

“Lead me with strong hands

Stand up when I can’t

Don’t leave me hungry for love

Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you’re willing to fight

That I’m still the love of your life

This song has woven its way into my daily prayers (listen to the whole song, you’ll understand) as I remind myself to slow down and see what’s in front of me and find the way to be the best mom I can be. 

“Lead Me” reminds me to allow myself to be led and how to lead when it comes to my family and my faith.

It tugs on my heart every time I hear it and gives me tingles down to my toes.  What ‘dreams’ am I chasing, and what am I really working so hard on if they (my boys & Joel) really are my dreams come true already?

OH, and this one by Brad Paisley.

Our wedding song, which was an audible, Payton Manning style.

We’d never had A song up to that point, and of the 3 or 4 I asked him to listen to, this wasn’t even one of them.  It came on the radio randomly later that evening and he said, with total sincerity and assertiveness, “this one.”  Period, end of story.

It was a statement and I didn’t even question it.  I hadn’t even asked him a question, or realized he was still thinking about possible wedding songs.  So, we danced to “She’s Everything” and that was that.

She’s a picture in my wallet

My unborn children’s mother

……

She’s the voice I love to hear

Someday when I’m ninety

She’s that wooden rocking chair

I want rocking right beside me

Everyday that passes

I only love her more

Yeah, she’s the one

That I’d lay down my own life for

And my iPhone randomly finds it and plays it without fail (from the shuffle setting) each time I fly back to town from a business trip.  It’s now 1 of the 2 things I love about the plane’s descent and landing in Denver.  The 2nd is the cool crisp Colorado air that greets me when I exit the plane.  You can’t get that anywhere else.

These are just 3 of the many songs that play around in my head during certain ‘missing you’ moments in my romantic comedy soundtrack.

Think I would win an Academy Award for Original ‘Mixed-Tape’ Soundtrack with these?

Wow, I got sappy on y’all!  I guess it’s true: absence makes the heart grow fonder…and my mixed tape soundtrack expands to the B side.

So happy to finally be home; time to turn it off and power down for the night.

~pw